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This has honestly been one of the worst times of my life. I live in this shitty apartment on a community college campus. It was never cleaned or fixed up like I was told. I ended up cleaning it with my dad and a friend of mine. It doesn’t have air conditioning and the screens are locked in place. Somehow I managed to rig one up in my window. Is it a fire hazard? It probably is but it keeps my bedroom cool. I haven’t been home in a least two months and planned on taking my stuff home this Sunday but instead other things happened.

This morning around 4 AM some drunk lunatic broke the glass of my front door and was about to head up my stairs when I yelled at him from the top of my stairs to get the hell out of here. I had called the cops and they came and picked him up. I have no issues with how the cops handled the situation. The parts afterwards are what pissed me off. I had to call my supervisor to let him know what had happened. I obviously couldn’t leave anymore with valuable items like my TV and my PlayStation 3 in the place so I had to wait till my door was fixed. I called my supervisor and told him that someone broke the glass in the window and unlocked it and was entering my door. Instead of first saying what a normal human being would ask like “Are you okay? Are the cops there now? Did anything else happened to you?” I got asked if the heat was on because with a broken window the heaters would keep going and waste money. Seriously? What an asshole. I’m definitely not appreciated here. In the meantime he writes his report for the school and notifies maintenance and tells me they will be there sometime in the morning. Lucky me right? I now get to sleep with one eye open with a cold apartment because my front door is broken. Which when I first moved in told them they probably should replace. But of course they didn’t. This school has done nothing that it told me it would. That’s why I’m to the point where I want to do nothing for the school anymore. 

The other person that has constantly pissed me off over the years is now a borderline “friend.” He started a bloggers website that he runs with myself and another one of his friends. He’s a writer/editor type. But instead of trying to claim any work that he write (although that’s rare) he would rather keep it anonymous. That way none of us can really gain anything out of it but a form of release. Anytime I talk to the guy about what’s going on in my life, he just tells me I should write an article on it. This guy will not hang out with you unless he is getting something out of you. I would know this. He’s used me for years. So when I texted him this morning telling him “I killed a man.” He just answered telling me I should write an article on it. People really are the worst creatures on the earth. Selfish beings that unless they are getting something from you you’re disposable or you’re not worth caring for. He’s the perfect example.

I’ve always been the type where I will sacrifice myself for others if it’s for a worthy cause and sometimes even if it’s not because it’ll make that person feel better. I sabotaged any future playing baseball when one of my close friends at the time was kicked off the baseball team. I stood up for him and basically ended any chances of playing baseball in the future. Now coaching a community college I know I could have at least played college ball in junior colleges. I barely talked to the guy now and he has never even said thanks for doing that for him and helping him become news worthy. I helped him out a lot personally back in the past when he was a shy, un-confident guy as well. Where has that got me though? I barely talk to the guy now.

I have another friend that I barely talked to. He has struggled with depression and still is shy. Myself and another friend have probably done the most for this guy. He had few friends and we took him and gave him a group of friends during high school. The friends he hangs out with most are the ones we introduced him to. He has a ton of great memories during high school because of us. I basically hung out with him everyday during one summer. But as the saying goes. Out of site out of mind.

There’s a ton of guys like that but I bring up the point to prove I usually think of others even when they’re turning the knife in my back or about to screw me over. It felt great last week when I finally broke that pattern. I was working a job at a factory that I absolutely hated. I would listen to music while doing my work because I didn’t want to talk to the people. The job in summary was cleaning up after grown factory men. A college graduate picking up after many men and women that might not have even finished high school. It was mindless and it made me angry. I did my job though as I was told to do for minimum wage on third shift. I would leave fifteen minutes early to go back to the companies warehouse to clean up our supplies and then leave after I had completed everything. I was written up for this and told to sign a shit without ever talking to any management about it. I was spied on by someone sitting across the property in a car. Needless to say once I saw the letter saying I needed to call in to sign in and out of work I was fed up and done. I called them alright. I told him I was done. I wasn’t finishing the night and I was fed up with the company and how I was being treated. It’s just a nice way to say fuck off. Normally I would do the right thing and give my two weeks and go about being stepped on but not anymore. The lady tried to talk me into saying trying to make me feel bad about the situation but I told her no. I told her I’m turning my crap in and writing the letter of resignation.

I bought some Joseph Kony posters and placed one in the door (funny how it is broken now. Probably would have showed the guy someone lived there). The president told my supervisor that I had to take it down. There cannot be any political posters on campus. I guess it riles people up when it comes to politics. I wrote him an email and told him about the cause. He didn’t bite. He’d rather do the “right thing” and cover his ass and go about his average daily life without trying to change anything. The day the Kony riots begin are around April 20th. I’m still trying to figure out a way to work around the school and make people aware. I’m at the point where I don’t care if they kick me off campus or not. The only point in being here is to make my resume look better.

Oh resumes… how we are being judged by a list of what we’ve accomplished and a cover letter of how we believe we are qualified for whatever we are applying for. I’ve been told I have a great resume but I still look at it and laugh to myself. It sounds to much better than it really is. Every internship now a days are often jokes and you only learn something for about the first month and then the next four or five months are just soul crushing. Only the most developed careers over time have worthwhile internships but yet we are all still basically required to do them. I wish internships were like trade schools and we could just skip all the basic theory classes in colleges that are mostly a waste of time. I’ve had a management class that was basically me and the teacher talking about experiences while the rest of the class listened. Do I get paid for teaching others? Of course not. If I did I’d have half my college loans paid off by now. I’m just a dumb twenty something year old with nothing credible to show. I mean that’s how the upper class sees us right? The Generation ME couldn’t possibly have any ambition or drive. We are just tech savvy. 

I’ve been told I’m opinionated a lot. Obviously you know that if you’re reading this. One of the things people like to talk about and have their opinions evaluated on is politics. I often roll my eyes on the subject and say nothing but jokes because that’s what politics are to me, they’re a joke. The upper wealthy group of people spending tons of money to make all the people aware of how great they are and how polished a family they come from and how great their education is. Am I the only one who see’s past this facade? It’s all bullshit. We are all flawed and rather than hiding them I’d like to see them and see if there’s real reasons behind why you believe in something. But even then it usually doesn’t matter. Those that are in power are often all in the same upper middle or upper elite class and are put in situation that project their own classes while every now and then throw the low classes what is looked at as a bone. Financial aid is the first that pops into mind but I even know it’s more first come first serve and how well you know how to hide your money to gain government money. It’s a battle of smarts. We are still spending money on war ammunition that’s not needed and gas prices are still rising even though we have the technology to cut down those costs. But people and developers still want top dollar for efficient hybrid cars. If they were even slightly self sacrificing and world conscious they’d make them more affordable to the common man. Why are paper, aluminum, and plastic recycle programs not mandatory in high schools and colleges? Why can’t the government issue something so simple yet effective? We’ve wasted so much material that could have bought these hybrid cars. It all just comes down to money and self preservation for those in power. If they are living well nothing else matters to them. 

I had a conversation the other day why I wear kiddish shirts? I’m a grown man and I shouldn’t be wearing these things he said. I told him because I am a grown man I’m mature and comfortable enough that I don’t care what he or anyone else thinks of me and what I wear. If I like something I’ll wear it. It has always been that way for me. Looks have become way overrated and material less important. I may let my facial hair grown out and I may where average shirts that others my age might not but does that make me childish and sloppy? When I work I write everything down I need to know. I’m very organized and when I don’t understand something I ask questions till I do. My words come out clear and to the point. I don’t mutter under my breath or blame others when something isn’t done right. I know that’s why I enjoy the show House so much. He says what he thinks and questions everything he doesn’t understand until he does. He knows looks aren’t important and only results matter.